What are the 3 major barriers to influence? Fear, greed, and impatience.

What do these 3 barriers have in common? All are emotions. Once you learn (and conquer) the psychological impact of these emotions on having influence you step on the path to being an influence expert.

1. Fear. The most driving emotion in our makeup. Fear raises our uncertainty – about decisions about actions. These common fears hold you back from having influence: fear of risk, fear of rejection, and fear of failure.

Fear comes out of negative thoughts. How many times do you say, “What if . . .?” or “I’m not sure that I can . . .” or (my favorite) “I can’t . . .” What you get from these negative thoughts is lost opportunity, rejection, and failure. Everything you wanted to avoid in the first place.

Use positive psychology to conquer fear. What’s that? http://karen-keller.com/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gifBarbara Fredrickson, the foremost researcher on positive psychology, told me, “We need to practice the 3:1 ratio. It takes three positive thoughts to neutralize one negative thought.” When I find the, “I’m not sure” thought creeping in, I immediately say, “Yes, I can.” and “I will do . . .” and “I everything I did worked!”

Robert Kiyosake, author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad states, “It’s not fear that is the problem. It’s how you handle fear.” Ah . . . so we do we have control over our fears.

Turn your negative self-doubting thoughts into thoughts that support your influence. Don’t run away from fear – it just follows you. Face it. Talk it down. And move forward with your plans to influence.

2. Greed. This emotion says you will never have enough. The trap becomes always chasing more and more – never being satisfied. Women who buy into the thinking that having large amounts of wealth and things is a precursor to influence get disappointed.

Don’t be fooled by this. Having wealth may work for men on some level, (not entirely too well if you’ve seen the news lately), but women can achieve greater influence without succumbing to the ‘good ole boy’ thinking.
Step back. Take a look at the big picture – are you getting what you want (that’s the end all of influence)? Spot where you are spending your attention – chasing wealth (prominence, things, etc.) or building fantastic relationships? Your influence is a direct result of the relationships you nurture. When you intend to influence look at the quality of all the relationships involved. If you find ones that are damaged, weak or broken – get busy.

3. Impatience. This is one I struggle with constantly. No kidding! I tend to rush with ‘the clock-is-ticking’ frame of mind. Here’s how I conquered this barrier. I developed the intense belief that I am worth waiting for!

I figured out that everything I rushed or times I was impatient ended up hurting me. For example, years ago, I wanted a boss to make up his mind on a project. I rushed my influence with him and fell short of 3 out of the 7 goals we set. This was not an acceptable outcome according to my standards.

What emotions hold you back from having influence?


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From regional manager to international executive with quadruple the pay, Karen Keller’s unique blueprint carefully outlined the step-by-step process for creating high-impact influence and let me know when I was being influenced in a way that didn’t serve me.
Lloyd Moore
Global Director Supplier Quality & Development - Lear Corporation – South Carolina